I took some time for myself,
to finally find out who I really am.
The persona you had seen before was not real. A fake.
When I started to pursue wrestling,
I left my old life behind;
He was an idea I was given,
A name without a face.
A life not worth living.
But he returned.
The life he had imagined & worked for finally came.
So he took his chance.
Driven by self destructive traits that had guided him through life.
It was not easy for him, however he was never given anything in the first place.
Life was never pretty, & prosperity a rarity.
Understanding his perception, he tried to make his work his own shield.
8 months later his dream was cut short & taken away from him.
A dream that kept him alive.
He did everything to never be alone again.
To never be sad again.
His pursuit of happiness vanished into thin air.
He couldn’t live like this anymore.
“Why me? After everything I had given?”
In his pain & suffering he had accepted the end.
Even without a destination, he always kept walking.
But he couldn’t take the loneliness anymore.
His demons were too strong & no longer withstand-able.
He had finally left for good.
As a result, his dream died with him.
The dream of a person I could no longer recognize.
I was trapped in a rotten world...somebody else’s world.
I had to escape that world, as there was no way for me to survive in it.
To continue life, I had to create my own world.
A world where nobody could reach me,
where nobody could hurt me.
Where honesty, acceptance & love could prosper.
I used to despise Aleksandar.
The decisions he made,
the way he treated people,
the fate he was given.
Nonetheless he seemed to have a good heart.
Always misunderstood, always giving.
Giving too much. Caring too much.
& rarely would he ever receive anything in return.
Which was ultimately what cost him.
He could never embrace his loneliness.
Or dim his expectations.
A fate he was given.
The only thing he ever wanted,
was to be understood.
To be loved.
“They hate what they don’t understand.”
I never understood Aleksandar.
Which is why I ended up hating him.
When I witnessed his last moments,
I finally realized.
My realization granted me a new life.
A second chance.
Today I look at you & I tell you,
your life is worth living!
Because I love you.
I understand you.
Don’t run away from the loneliness.
For you, I will live on & find happiness,
find real people with real emotions & give them my all without expecting anything in return.
I will change your fate!
I promise I will find people who will love you with everything they have.
Perhaps, they might be the ones to find you...
so that 1 day you can return again.
The Universe Believes In You,