I started writing when I was young.

I had a vision only I could see.

Far away.

So I started to write.

To dissect my own feelings.

Those words came from people I have known, from the deepest places in my heart, from memories & from dreams.

Through words I was able to enter worlds...

Different dimensions.

Comforting. All healing.

They were also worlds of pain...but they didn’t inflict it.


Why is pain so defining?

The answer was simple.

Because pain & love walk hand in hand.

An astonishing fine line.

I had to learn that pain was the greatest teacher.

He claimed, “I teach you the hard way, because otherwise you will never learn.”

Knowing that it felt horrible,

he still asked me if I liked how it felt.

I replied with a simple “of course not” & before he was about to lecture me any further, I understood.

“Then make sure you don’t make anybody else feel the same pain you just had to feel”, he said.

At first, I was fascinated.

Then I realized that if everybody works together & nobody causes anybody else any pain, we could stop the vicious cycle.


Ecstatic was the best word to describe how I was feeling.

But the world doesn’t work like that, kid.

It’s a sad, cold world.

“Only time I’m feeling pain,

is when I’m feeling love.”

So what are my options?

As I grew older, I grew colder.

Couldn’t seem to find anybody’s shoulder.

Who can you trust in this forsaken world?

We are born alone & we die alone.

My book of pain keeps adding new chapters,

as I don’t just grow colder, but wiser.

He has taught me that it is better to be hurt, instead of being the 1 hurting others.

We endure.

It is not us, who need to be saved...

It is them.

It is us, who need to show them that their medicine has been inside them all this time.

It is them, who need to find it inside themselves.

We endure.

Cold shoulders, broken hearts.

We need those things to evolve.

To gain an understanding of appreciation.

To realize that we are capable.

To ENDURE & push through.

What we decide to pursue between birth & death is our very own choice.

Every day is a test.

& every day might be the last.


Love as long as you live.

My words carry the message of pain.

My life is fueled by my art.

I write because I love pain.

& pain loves me.

I had realized, that pain was my best friend.

The reason I was able to survive by myself.

The only feeling that made me feel alive.

I had my own ailment inside me for years.

It was PAIN.

He was me.

& I was him.

I became 1 with pain...

& never felt pain again.


I took some time for myself,

to finally find out who I really am.

The persona you had seen before was not real. A fake.

When I started to pursue wrestling,

I left my old life behind;

specifically Aleksandar.

He was an idea I was given,

A name without a face.

A life not worth living.

But he returned.

The life he had imagined & worked for finally came.

So he took his chance.

Driven by self destructive traits that had guided him through life.

It was not easy for him, however he was never given anything in the first place.

Life was never pretty, & prosperity a rarity.

Understanding his perception, he tried to make his work his own shield.

8 months later his dream was cut short & taken away from him.

A dream that kept him alive.

He did everything to never be alone again.

To never be sad again.

His pursuit of happiness vanished into thin air.

He couldn’t live like this anymore.

“Why me? After everything I had given?”

In his pain & suffering he had accepted the end.

Even without a destination, he always kept walking.

But he couldn’t take the loneliness anymore.

His demons were too strong & no longer withstand-able.

He had finally left for good.

As a result, his dream died with him.

The dream of a person I could no longer recognize.

I was trapped in a rotten world...somebody else’s world.

I had to escape that world, as there was no way for me to survive in it.

To continue life, I had to create my own world.

A world where nobody could reach me,

where nobody could hurt me.

Where honesty, acceptance & love could prosper.

I used to despise Aleksandar.

The decisions he made,

the way he treated people,

the fate he was given.

Nonetheless he seemed to have a good heart.

Always misunderstood, always giving.

Giving too much. Caring too much.

& rarely would he ever receive anything in return.

Which was ultimately what cost him.

He could never embrace his loneliness.

Or dim his expectations.

A fate he was given.

The only thing he ever wanted,

was to be understood.

To be loved.

“They hate what they don’t understand.”

I never understood Aleksandar.

Which is why I ended up hating him.

When I witnessed his last moments,

I finally realized.

My realization granted me a new life.

A second chance.

Today I look at you & I tell you,

your life is worth living!

Because I love you.

I understand you.

Don’t run away from the loneliness.

Embrace it.

For you, I will live on & find happiness,

find real people with real emotions & give them my all without expecting anything in return.

I will change your fate!

I promise I will find people who will love you with everything they have.

Perhaps, they might be the ones to find you...

so that 1 day you can return again.

The Universe Believes In You,

Zora Vesta


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